Anxiety Diary - Effect on personal and professional life

After reading the formal introduction and after effect I came to know people confine themselves within room or house, fear to visit the place where they experienced the panic attack, give up social life.

Within the first week of the panic attack, rebellion inside me was not ready to confine myself within the house or room, give up my driving and hire a cab, give up job, give up going out and socializing. Don't know from where I got this power in very low phase of my life which merely allowed me to have proper breathing. All came at stake which makes a life.

When I went back to office, heard different version of my condition from colleagues. Somewhere was hurt but moved on because I had more important things to fix. Some of them came to collect data so that they can gossip for days.

Sometimes while having lunch in office my vision use to blur first and then breathing issue, i used to go back to my place take medicine and come back to continue my lunch. At the end of the day, I felt defeated. Next morning slowly I used to raise my spirit, lets search and try new method to fix it.

I forgot my career goals, competition with fellow colleagues. To continue doing job was the big question to me forget about career goals, growth, promotions. I kept going. 

I was not ready to conclude my professional life at the negative note, let it be low profile. nothing much happening but at least I am independent and it was giving me confidence and power.

I pushed myself everyday as a mother and professional. Kids are so young to understand my medical condition, their expectations are genuine and valid. And to fulfill is my responsibility.

I slowed down in every aspect, there is nothing wrong in doing this if it helps you to revive yourself.

And all through these phases no one was their to share because I appeared fit and fine to them. New to the people around me.

How much I should give up to face or fix this? I hit the zero ground to fix it. But learnt to fix and the ways which I never believed worked like charm.